Suicide: Surviving the First Week

It has been 2 weeks since my son Tyler Bushmiller committed suicide. I cannot begin to tell you the range of emotions that you will go through when someone close to you commits suicide. I wanted to write about our first week as it is still fresh on my mind. 

When I picture a couple that is grieving from a loss, I picture them deeply sad, together on the couch with friends around them comforting them. The friends are hugging them, maybe placing their hands on their shoulders telling them it is going to be OK. The couple looks alone, and display a look of grief that hurts down to the soul. That is nothing what our week was like.

When we heard the news that Tyler committed suicide we posted it on our Facebook page. I have my opinions on Facebook, like is it really important to know that you are drinking a diet coke right now, but in this situation it was really helpful in keep our friends and loved ones updated. In fact I had some family members tell me how much the appreciated the constant news feeds.

From the moment it happened and the word got out we were flooded with people that wanted to see and speak to us. This is not what I had expected and it helped to keep our minds busy. You see Kim and I are the type of people that need to keep our minds busy. We hate night time, it is time to think and be alone with your thoughts. The first week you do not have time to grieve, you will be busy consoling all the people around you. The more people that your loved one touched, the more people that will need to see you.

There were several types of people that came to us. I am sure there were more, but these were the major groups.

1. Those that just love you and want to be there for you in your time of loss. These people will be there in the long run.

2. Those that feel guilty for not doing something in the relationship of the one that is gone. I believe they want to say they are sorry, but cannot say it, so you are the closest thing to the person that is gone. These people will come and go quickly.

3. There were those that really want to hear this is true, and need to hear it from you. These people are most likely friends and will stay in contact with you for the long run.

There is nothing wrong with any of this, everyone needs to grieve in their own way. The main point is that Kim and I did not have time to ourselves, we were busy helping all those around us. Your time for grieving will come later.

There were several things that that helped greatly. First, we had one our of good friends "block" for us. In others words if people wanted to get a hold of us, they needed to contact our "block" friend. She would tell them what happened and give the facts, and tell them how they could help.

There were so many people that want to help, we would tell her what needed to be done and she organized the mass of people that were coming at us. She helped get people together to speak at the funeral, people to play music, and when there was not enough food she got a team together. We only let certain people in to see us. You see Kim and I are introverts which means we pull our energy from quiet time. We like being with people, but large amounts of people drain us, and this was draining enough. This person was a life saver (Thank you Tami!)

We also had a prayer team praying all the time. My mom and dad were amazing. The were my strength. You see they are rooted in Christ and have a wonderful knowledge of life, which at the time I did not have. They gave me great insight. They are great prayer warriors which you will need. Thank you mom and dad for your support and wisdom.

We had Kim's family here as they live close by. At times you do not have the energy to breath let alone do daily chores around the house. Kim's family was wonderful to help with the day to day life responsibilities. They were also a wonderful loving support to talk and to work out feelings. Thanks guys!

My Pastor Monty Wright was amazing. When I came to him and told him what had happened and that we wanted him to do the funeral services he knew exactly what to do. I did not have  to think (which is a good thing). I did just want he told me to do. It is really important to have a good pastor do the funeral services. You have one chance for everyone to say goodbye and you want it to be special. Thanks Monty!

Again, this is what I experienced and I am sure this is not what everyone will experience. It has been two weeks and I miss by buddy. I am still very upset and disappointed in him. We miss you Tyler. If you need to contact someone please contact us on our Facebook Page.

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