The Bible: A Book of Love or Rules

I am confused. I have had so many people tell me that the Bible is a book full of rules meant to punish people, to keep them from having fun and living a life that is full and rewarding. Again I am confused. When I read the Bible I read a love story. I read how God loved His people so much that he gave His son to die so that we could be with him forever. Let me explain where I am coming from, and I welcome your comments. I would love to hear if you think the Bible is a book of rules and why. 

 

 

 

If you are going to comment you have to read the Bible cover to cover. You cannot read just one chapter or just one verse and tell me this one verse/chapter represents the entire book. For example, if I read one chapter of the Twilight Series I might think that Edward did not love Bella because he left her, she was very torn up about him leaving. But if I read the entire book I would see that Edward left Bella out of love, thinking that his being in Bella's life meant that she was in grave danger. See how you need to read the entire book to get the entire story?

 

I will use a real life example of my son; Tyler. Tyler grew up in our Christian home. At first I pushed religion on him. I set the rules, you know.... read the Bible, go to church, and more. I soon could see that this pushed him away from learning the truth, so I backed off. By backing off and just being there for him he began to ask questions about Jesus. I could see how happy he was, by the peace on his face. It was a true transformation. In the Bible God gives us rules and some of those rules Tyler struggled with. That is basic human nature. We all gravitate towards doing things that hurt us and others.

 

As Tyler grew he began to question me and the Bible. Tyler just loved to argue a point, in fact he would argue just to argue. But that was OK it is good to question, it make us a stronger. I know some religious people become offended and upset when you question Jesus and the Bible. To those that have experienced this, I am sorry. Please accept our apologies. You see I think some religious people are scared that they do not have all the answers and they need to defend God. First, we should not have all the answers, we are not God. And second God is a pretty big God I think He can defend Himself, we are meant to be His light. To get back to my story when Tyler began to question Jesus, instead of making him stronger, he let his basic human nature take over. The questioning became anger and then fighting his own instincts. You see I could see how he really wanted to be a "religious" person, but he wanted to be his own god. It is like smiling. It is known that it takes less muscles to smile then frown. Being "religious" takes less effort, then not being "religious", it is what we were created to do, so it comes natural.

 

 

From this point Tyler was on a full on rejection of Jesus. I could see how his face was not as happy, he lost the sparkle he had when he was a kid. He looked tired, like he was trying to do it all on his own. The weight of the world was very heavy on his shoulders. You can actually see this if you look at his pictures from when he was a baby until when he took his life. Towards the end, he did not look like Tyler any more. A good example would be Gollum in The Lord of the Rings. Gollum let the ring (sin) consume him, the ring changed him, it morphed him into something that resembled the person he used to be. I remember how Tyler would tell me that he made up his own values and rules. That he did not live by anyone standards. I guess the Bible represented a book full of rules, and those rules meant that he could not have any fun. His own set of values and rules were suppose to make him happy.... so I guess.

 

Tyler was so happy that he took his life. See, here is what I do not get, if his system was so good, why was he so unhappy? If his system worked, why did he want to leave this world? I see this all the time with people just like Tyler, they are so happy they think of suicide, why? Now I know that I am not perfect, and "Christians" are not perfect, but I see this more and more, people with Tyler's state of mind.

 

The Bible is a book of Love. You see we humans, by nature, are self-destructive, selfish, and when you come down to it, (just watch the news) we are not nice people. In fact I just saw a woman who wanted a Walmart parking lot space so badly, she ran over another girl. God knows all this about us, so he gave us some guidelines (The Bible) so that we could live a life of freedom, happiness, and forgiveness instead of a life of bondage due to our choices. You see Tyler had his own set of values and rules, but his choices made him so unhappy and trapped him in bondage, that the only way out was to kill himself. He forgot about Jesus and how He died for his sins, and how he could hit the reset button on life and give his problems to Jesus and let Him help him. Yes, he would have to deal with his choices, but he would know that Jesus was OK with him and would guide him through these tough times. I guess when you set your own values and rules, you must also be your own judge. I would much rather have Jesus as my judge, He is more forgiving and loving than I ever could be.

 

 

 

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Suicide: Surviving the First Week

It has been 2 weeks since my son Tyler Bushmiller committed suicide. I cannot begin to tell you the range of emotions that you will go through when someone close to you commits suicide. I wanted to write about our first week as it is still fresh on my mind. 

When I picture a couple that is grieving from a loss, I picture them deeply sad, together on the couch with friends around them comforting them. The friends are hugging them, maybe placing their hands on their shoulders telling them it is going to be OK. The couple looks alone, and display a look of grief that hurts down to the soul. That is nothing what our week was like.

When we heard the news that Tyler committed suicide we posted it on our Facebook page. I have my opinions on Facebook, like is it really important to know that you are drinking a diet coke right now, but in this situation it was really helpful in keep our friends and loved ones updated. In fact I had some family members tell me how much the appreciated the constant news feeds.

From the moment it happened and the word got out we were flooded with people that wanted to see and speak to us. This is not what I had expected and it helped to keep our minds busy. You see Kim and I are the type of people that need to keep our minds busy. We hate night time, it is time to think and be alone with your thoughts. The first week you do not have time to grieve, you will be busy consoling all the people around you. The more people that your loved one touched, the more people that will need to see you.

There were several types of people that came to us. I am sure there were more, but these were the major groups.

1. Those that just love you and want to be there for you in your time of loss. These people will be there in the long run.

2. Those that feel guilty for not doing something in the relationship of the one that is gone. I believe they want to say they are sorry, but cannot say it, so you are the closest thing to the person that is gone. These people will come and go quickly.

3. There were those that really want to hear this is true, and need to hear it from you. These people are most likely friends and will stay in contact with you for the long run.

There is nothing wrong with any of this, everyone needs to grieve in their own way. The main point is that Kim and I did not have time to ourselves, we were busy helping all those around us. Your time for grieving will come later.

There were several things that that helped greatly. First, we had one our of good friends "block" for us. In others words if people wanted to get a hold of us, they needed to contact our "block" friend. She would tell them what happened and give the facts, and tell them how they could help.

There were so many people that want to help, we would tell her what needed to be done and she organized the mass of people that were coming at us. She helped get people together to speak at the funeral, people to play music, and when there was not enough food she got a team together. We only let certain people in to see us. You see Kim and I are introverts which means we pull our energy from quiet time. We like being with people, but large amounts of people drain us, and this was draining enough. This person was a life saver (Thank you Tami!)

We also had a prayer team praying all the time. My mom and dad were amazing. The were my strength. You see they are rooted in Christ and have a wonderful knowledge of life, which at the time I did not have. They gave me great insight. They are great prayer warriors which you will need. Thank you mom and dad for your support and wisdom.

We had Kim's family here as they live close by. At times you do not have the energy to breath let alone do daily chores around the house. Kim's family was wonderful to help with the day to day life responsibilities. They were also a wonderful loving support to talk and to work out feelings. Thanks guys!

My Pastor Monty Wright was amazing. When I came to him and told him what had happened and that we wanted him to do the funeral services he knew exactly what to do. I did not have  to think (which is a good thing). I did just want he told me to do. It is really important to have a good pastor do the funeral services. You have one chance for everyone to say goodbye and you want it to be special. Thanks Monty!

Again, this is what I experienced and I am sure this is not what everyone will experience. It has been two weeks and I miss by buddy. I am still very upset and disappointed in him. We miss you Tyler. If you need to contact someone please contact us on our Facebook Page.

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